Frankly Existential

Loneliness

Loneliness, conceptually, is equally necessary to companionship. The juxtaposition of the two ideas is exactly what makes each of them valuable. The despair of excess loneliness fuels our desire for true relationships, just as too many relationships can be overwhelming and lead us to desire being alone. Each is important to have in moderate amounts. Let me first roughly define loneliness. In my mind, there are two types: constructive loneliness and destructive loneliness.

Destructive Loneliness

To be alone does not necessarily mean to be isolated. You could be in a group of a dozen friends and still be alone. Loneliness is not so much about your physical placement in relation to others, but your mental placement. How many of your friends are supporting you? How many of them have your back and can be counted on in times of need? As stated in my last post discussing false companions, probably not as many as you think.

Let’s not take this purely pessimistically, however, and let this be a lesson for all of us. A lesson none of us want but all of us need. This is destructive loneliness: not having support from anyone, no real connections, but surrounded by people who don’t even see you. The result of this is damaging to your psyche and damaging to you physically. The depressive and anxious symptoms that follow, that destruction to self, comes from the involuntary nature of the loneliness. It is not the loneliness in itself that is destructive.

The only real remedy to this is willful loneliness. To be in control of yourself and your will. To be alone because you want to or need to, not because you are exiled.

Constructive Loneliness

This leads into constructive loneliness. Willful loneliness, often expressed as self-isolation, has the potential to be very beneficial for us even if it is done in response to a negative event. Perhaps we are very distraught by a particular scenario or individual in our lives and our instinct is to retreat, to close ourselves off to the world. This is not necessarily a destructive response, though often thought to be in every instance. If you willfully take your own space and use it wisely, you can accomplish much growth.

It is important to embrace the discomfort of isolation voluntarily to acclimate to it because there will inevitably come a time where you are isolated against your will in a sense and you will need to know how to handle it. Tremendous growth can be done in willful loneliness, when you are with yourself all there is to engage in, in any meaningful sense, is self-discovery and self-reflection. Start reading, start writing and journaling. You will learn incredible things about yourself along the way. Think out loud about whatever you want to. Create something good, destroy something bad. Perhaps make or break habits. Reflect on your choices, your actions, your thoughts, your relationships. Be proud of all the good, but don’t be ashamed of the bad. Grant yourself love. This is possible in times of willful loneliness. I will also express that this is equally possible through those meaningful relationships that you aim to build.

Closing Statement

This Significance of Loneliness is not meant to encourage isolation entirely, but to show it is not exclusively a destructive state to be in. Every situation has potential for personal growth, and it is important to not remain in the same situation for too long, or in a situation that itself remains the same. You should remain in situations that are constantly evolving such as most long-term relationships. States of loneliness must be balanced adequately with companionship. Excess of either is equally damaging.

The root of this issue, the battle between too much and too little, the everlasting search for balance, is you. In each of our own lives, no matter how much external support we have and while external support is still tremendously good, it is our own internal battle. This is not to say we are alone, but rather we are always at the forefront of the brigade. We lead the army that is our thoughts and actions. This issue goes far beyond loneliness and companionship, and will be explored further in the future.

Going forward, I will be releasing new posts every Monday. Any changes in schedule will be published in advance. For now, thank you for reading on loneliness, and take care.